Sunday, February 29, 2004
I have joined DarkEden as a fellow vampire today. Damn addictive game... as addictive as blood is to a vampire. Damn.. its me first day plaing it n im now on Level 33...

Sigh tomorrows another day a work again and i'm on standby for the next week... damn do i hate being on standby.

Sigh again... i saw the movie Timeline yesterday with Thomas... man do i wish i were in those medievil times. In the movie.. this guy who's sooo into the dark ages that he picked up sword fighting and archery. He went back in time to save a professor and fell in love with a french princess and didnt want to come back.. i gotta say.. if it were me i wouldnt come back either... I'd rather live the rest of my life with someone i love than comeback to this life which i so despise.

Life sux so mush i wonder what i'm living it for... i can't kill mself cus thatd make me a coward.. n if i die i do want to die in battle. If only some serial killer would kill me... but thats another dream... serial killers in Singapore is as fiction as Dragonlance is...

Despite what people say i believe that there is no one who will love me. I was never ment to and there was n never will be someone created for me to love and adore. Whats there left to look forward to? i don't know... just a huge bottomless pit awaits me... I'm so tired of life. Please ....set me free.
-Talon faced death at 10:45 PM

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Friday, February 27, 2004
Hmm not dead yet... strangely i'm feeling better now. Don't get me wrong.. i still want to die but the thing is i feel good today. Like nothing has gone wrong. Hmm whats up with that? I feel more energetic n less bored. Curious.

Well i'm gonna go meet Kaze and maybe Khai tonight for dinner and possibly jamming. After that if theres time i might meet up with Anil for a drink at Zombie rock bar. IF its possible i might squeeze in time for drawing something. Hands are feeling itchy to come up with something. hhmmm its seems like whenever im down im really down and whenever im up n running i sprint till im too tired... i guess if life were a race i'd be a sprinter... rushing when i have the energy but when im outta energy im reallly out. What can i do to solve this?.... well nothing... its the way i am. Damn.. this is even true when im eating.. i always rush to get everything on my plate into my stomach... unless i'm eating seconds.

I suddenly have this feeling that nothing else can go wrong in my life. But i'm sure thats just n illusion. Things just seem fine only for the moment. sigh ... i wish things like this lasted forever.

Interesting talk i had with Khai last night on IRC about things like religion. for a moment i felt drawn out of Singapore and problems in my own life and started thinking of the big picture of life... What if the entire Human history and progress was all based on one basic emotion... Fear. Could it be that fear was the one thing that caused some ancient ancestor to come up with prehistoric ghost stories and to counter these monstrous abominations someone else came up with the idea of having a religion whose god if u worshipped could save you from whatever monstrosity was conjured up by human imagination? And as the centuries went by, this religion was widely spread and became a cornerstone in building the world which we see ourselves in now? Man and theres so much more questions which keep popping up the more we delved into it. So many questions and no answers at all. Its like what i told her... We human beings can only base what conclusions we come up with to these questions by assumptions, past tried experiments and tests. Dare we say we know the secrets of the universe when all we know about it is just the tip of the glacier?

"There are more things in Heaven and Earth than in your philosophy"-Heratio
-Talon faced death at 3:19 PM

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Saturday, February 21, 2004
Well im finally back. Went to watch a french movie... Quentin and Rudy at Marina Sq GV. Not a bad comedy. After that i went to Caesers n checked out the Jap Samurai swords and finally had Dinner at Suntec BK, continued with my drawing n then left fer hme ard 11. Going out with Thomas tomorrow... most likely the same places we usually got to.. watching a movie, looking fer cool looking action figures at clarke quay n buying DVDs. After that once he goes off, im either thinking of going to Zombie fer a drink n the music or go home if im too tired. Oh well at least theres a gig on Sunday and Metalheadz.. Singapore's Metallica is performing... at least i can headbang n forget my emotions fer awhile....
-Talon faced death at 1:08 AM

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Friday, February 20, 2004
Metallica- Fade to Black

Life it seems will fade away, Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself, Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live, Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me, Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be, Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real, Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filing me, To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn, I was me, but now He's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death Greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

(This song has my name written all over it)
-Talon faced death at 12:12 PM

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Finally finished my project today at work... yippie(sarcastic tone)... man life sux... but what else is new? Thinking of going out later. Probably catch a movie by myself.... do some sketching at some cafe before that n go home late at night. hmmm curious to find out what would happen to all my stuff if i did die. Epecially my drawings... and my sword... maybe i should write in a will or some document saying that i wana get buried with my sword. Ah well... if im gone at least these things will be that last remnants that i existed. I'm beside a window right now... clouds are one of the most beautiful things on Earth. Sometimes you just wish you could float away from your problems like they do.

hmmm sometimes wish i didn't have feelings... they are more like a curse. How does one cure a broken heart? How can one sooth an emotional scar? I think thats why i'm waiting fer death now. At least in death you won't feel anything... or at least i hope so.

I may not be the wisest of people but i do know that the introduction of love into your life changes you and you can never go back to what you once where because you have tasted that sweet nectar. Once Love is taken away from you... no matter how gracefully you try to distance yourself from it, you will crave for it again and again.
-Talon faced death at 11:54 AM

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Thursday, February 19, 2004
I still miss you and care for you Hugo Boss gal
-Talon faced death at 11:19 AM

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Well at work right now. just had breakfast. Damn body aching after installing all those servers. Hmmm a colleague came in n i smelt Hugo boss perfum for women.*sigh* It only reminds me of one person n if you're reading this you know who you are.
-Talon faced death at 10:57 AM

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Life seems like a dream right now. Yeserday i took a step back from life. Thought of this scenario of what would i do if had cancer or some shit. Hmm I most likely wont tell my parents. Might work for awhile and then quit.. lock myself in my room. Send smses to everyone on my phone list saying how great they have been. Go on IRC and tell everyone they have been the great friends. Tell my blood brother, Mark that too bad it didnt work out that i was to die in Scotland as we planned. And wen my cash runs out my handphone n Internet connections are cut i'll probably stay at home most of the time. Just counting the days to the end... Probablly die alone on my bed. When my parents find it itd be too late. I dont think id go fer any treatment either.. not when wat i want is so close. Hmmm but tats just a thought... don't even know if it'll happen. What else is there in my life to look forward to? If i'm gone will anyone weep for me? perhaps.... but well no one really needs me right now so i'm expendable. Why was i even born in the first place? I don't know. Most likely cus its tradition to have a child wen u get married in the 60s... not becos anyone loved me. Its nice to see people have someone to love on the streets. I feel sorry for those whove been cheated in the end thinking that something is love. Love shouldnt be a short term thing.. when you love someone... youd better really mean it cos the other person mite be tat one person in your entire life you truely cares for you. There are no such things as trying in a relationship... only do or do not. The sadness of a love thats lost will only scar your heart and bleed your soul.... well time ta go... wonder if im gona get back home alive...

-Talon faced death at 8:10 AM

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004
Wishing for death now... its the only thing on my mind.
-Talon faced death at 12:26 PM

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Friday, February 06, 2004
Friday morning... Back to more studies. I'm in the classroom right now for the last day of this training. Won't be staying long though cuz i gotta go ard lunch time for an installation at the Monatery Association on Singapore. Hope fully it won't take long and i'd have finished by or 4. Then its off to home, put my work stuff aside and going out ta meet a friend to have dinner. Still waiting for the day i'm gonna have dinner/go out with that certain someone i reallllllyyy wanna go out with. Hehe today we dress casually at work and i i just took a polo tshirt n wore it and didn't realise until i was almost at work that She likes guys in large polo tshirts.

hmm no one in the class yet. Man i feel so bored these past 2 days. Nothing much to look forward to. I'm thinking of joining the singapore kendo club but the next intake is in October. So i gotta wait pretty long. Hmm maybe i'll just take the time to assess if i'm really gonna commit to something like that and not just jump into it and regret in the last minute. Welll theres gonna be a gig at Zombie tomorrow. Alotta god bands playing hehe i hope tat'll cheer me up. I'll most probably be headbanging till my head falls off. Supper most probably after that and home again to sleep.

Today im most probably gona meet my friend later for dinner... most probably at swensons and then i might just go to the movies by myself... Torque is out and theres no other better shows ta watch so i think i'll go chec that out tonight and take a night rider back.



-Talon faced death at 9:25 AM

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Thursday, February 05, 2004
ok now where was i... oh yeah about people's characters. Yeah sometimes when you think you know someone all our life something comes outta the blue and you find out they are totally different from who you knew but the key thing is that no matter what they may be... they are the same person you had dinner with... the same person you rollerbladed with, the same person you kissed and the same person you loved. It is the perogative of a human being to be complex... there never were simpler times... only times when these issues were kept secret in ones heart in fear of being called a freak or accused of heresay. Human Beings have evolved much but they still have much to learn. Perhaps one day we wouldnt even need that government who keeps us in check all the time... if everyone knew everyone else and if the world was such that we looked after ourselves not as people but as friends we wouldnt need such agencies. Why would we need a goverment to tell us to do what is right when we already know and practice what is right?
-Talon faced death at 5:08 PM

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Ok this is the first imte im doing this from work so here goes nothing (looks ard carefully and types).. damn im bored. some of my colleagues are taling at the back. FYI im actually doing this in my company's classroom.

Well i havent updated this place in awhile so i'll fill ya in on whats happened. hehehe Shess back back back =))) i'm so glad. The last day when i was talking to her on the phone, she was in a car and our line got disconnected.. at first i thought that thre was something wrong with the line but i tried the whole night and still couldn't get through. It was the next day when i woke up and tried to call her when i suddenly had this thought that something might have happen to her... like an accident. I'm sooo glad that i wasn't right. hehe she actualli ran outta credit on her sim card. *sigh of relief*.

THe days that followed, i got to know her more... still getting to know her... i don't think that you can ever stop getting to know a person.. there are an infinite number of layers to a person and youd have to live with them your entire life to really know them... ooops class has started... I'll write more later...
-Talon faced death at 1:50 PM

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