Monday, September 24, 2007
This is gonna be depressing...

I'm in one of my depressive moods this evening. Well... something just made me just a little happy but i just need ta blog about this. Just what in tarnation am i talkin about this time? well... my life.

It sux to be single sometimes. When you need someone and theres no one there. I'm getting to my expiration date soon. Don't have much time to enjoy life. Theres nothing more to enjoy tho. Work these days are taxing... sure i try to relax by havin shisha right after work but the usual gang isn't there to keep me company cus of Ramadan period. Things start entering my head when i'm alone. Things like ... yeap this is one of those times when the people you know aren't going to be around for laughs and to make you forget the depressive part of my life.

Work.. been working ot at least once a week these days and it can last up to 5 or 6 hours... tat means i work till about 5 or 6 in the morning. Whats more theres my remedial training. Yeah SAF needs to make all of its soldiers fighting fit so they can support the country at times of war. ooo theres much to be said about that but another time.. this is about me. I'm just so tired.. i mean i know there are people probably workin harder than me... Kaze being one of them of course but this is not me. I want to feel the worth of why i'm workin. The satisfaction of doing something not for material gains but for ... someone. At the end of the day the only thing i can be sure of is either getting home and watching movies online or going fer shisha.

What is there left? Where is my fukin life going? I've no idea. It sux not being in control and not knowing where things are gonna head to. Its at times like these that i wish i could be that guy in the train with a girl beside him... or that other guy in the car with a girl beside him or even that guy who's jobless but still has the support of a loving gf. Fuckin retard life.

Yeah i've been in relationships before... nothing really stable tho. Why? well the majority of it is cus of that thing called racism... not by my ex... but the parents. So why don't i get a gf whos indian? Well.... believe me i tried. She was someone i met in my cousins wedding who i thought would be a nice enough person... NOT. I'm not someone who is biased over race... i'm just someone who's life is outcast from my race. So... how can moi who can't be accepted by indian, malay or chinese or any other race be in a relationship? The answer... probably in my dreams.

Hence, at this point in my life, if theres no relationship i can look forward to... then what is the meaning to a life of loneliness? Theres no one to share those last days with. No one to plan the future with. Heck no one to even say "hey... i'm not happy with you smokin... if you wanna be with me you gotta cut down".

They say no man is an island... well im a friggin 1 sq cm plot of land in the pacific ocean that no ones probably gonna notice even if all the other land on Earth became submerged cus of some apocalyptic disaster.

I used to live life with a hope but it looks like Pandora is just closing that up in the box. And with that goin away, all paths are just pointing to emptiness.

To all those readin this who are in a relationship... treasure yours cus its a blessing n a miracle (you're gonna get a sock on the head from me if you don't). To all those who aren't in one yet... don't follow my path... it gets colder everyday.
-Talon faced death at 11:30 PM

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